I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
