Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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