and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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