it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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