pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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