sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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