I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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