i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
