Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
