She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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