I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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