just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
