If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
