Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A+ Viking dick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
