I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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