I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
