the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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