i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?