he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it