I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.