If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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