note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
