Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
