oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
