we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The Olympian is in my bed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
