At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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