Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
