I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize