if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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