Your face is a jimmy john
In America we eat man semen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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