I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
