can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
