see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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