Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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