literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
