oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
