what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
