You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
