I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
