How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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