I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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