dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
