You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
