my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
