so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am midnight drunk by noon
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
