you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
