Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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