i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
