Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
