I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
