oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
