I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
