apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
