so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
