omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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