so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
