I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
