you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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