I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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