The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
