Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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