I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
