pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
