Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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