You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
