Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
