Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
