Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
