Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
