Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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