who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
