Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
