I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am one with the molecules
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
