at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
