I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
