I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
