Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
