I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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