He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
