whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
