i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
