I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
